True Lies (1994)

Until last week, True Lies remained an overlooked item on Arnold Schwarzenegger’s and James Cameron’s long résumés. Hollywood poured $120 million (an astronomical sum at the time) into this overbearing, overlong action-comedy. It saw astronomical success at the time, but now, absent from streaming services, it remains the stuff of mothballed DVD boxes in attics everywhere. Schwarzenegger played Harry Tasker, a federal agent and one of the deadliest spies in the world… without telling his wife Helen (Jamie Lee Curtis) or his daughter Dana (Eliza Dushku). Harry’s family learns about his double-life when a Palestinian terrorist organization threatens him.

True Lies reentered the public consciousness a few days ago, when Dushku came forward with her harrowing story of sexual assault at the hands of stunt coordinator Joel Kramer. Two other women have since made similar allegations. I believe all three accusers. I also find it bitterly appropriate that the most high-profile allegation concerns this film, which displays with a straight face all the things wrong with toxic masculinity and jingoism. If this film could walk and talk, it would hate women and minorities.

Sonita (2015)

We Americans have automated and commodified war. We’ve done this so thoroughly that even out of the meager 12% of Americans who can even find Afghanistan on a map (26% for Iran), our instincts cause us to dismiss Iran and Afghanistan as those places we want to raze because “they hate us.” But what if someone in Iran or Afghanistan wants to make life better for both Americans and Iranians, but repressive cultural traditions, a totalitarian government, and the constant threat of suicide bombers reduces her to a statistic before she even can?

Sonita, a documentary by Rokhsareh Ghaemmaghami (who comes to play an active role) tells the powerful story of Sonita Alizadeh, a budding Iranian rapper whose socially conscious lyrics aim to end the tradition of forced marriages and the struggles of families living in abject poverty. For any of a dozen reasons—none her fault and few under her control—Sonita could have become a statistic, just another battered teenage housewife of a wealthy Afghan man, a living deed sold off by her own family, for the price of a used car, so they could put food on the table or afford a daughter-in-law of their own. Through a long succession of miracles—including the creation and release of this film (courtesy of the feminist non-profit Women Make Movies)—Sonita has a chance to take control of her life and to make a difference for the people of Iran.

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

With Richard Kiel’s recent passing, I felt like pouring one out for him in the form of watching his most famous role (outside of Happy Gilmore and inspiring idiotic tooth-wear, anyway). So I checked out his first appearance as Jaws in The Spy Who Loved Me.

The Sheik (1921)

Rudolph Valentino’s most famous picture, The Sheik catapulted him to wide-reaching—if ephemeral—fame as an actor… leaving Arab perceptions as the collateral damage.

The Sheik tells a story of what we now call Stockholm syndrome: the Arab sheik of the title kidnaps a patrician, independent-minded European woman, keeping her in captivity until he can force her to fall in love with him. In keeping with contemporaneous gender politics, his scheme actually works… But soon the sheik soon finds himself protecting his proto-Patty Hearst from bandits who have the same regressive views of women as he has.

In order to truly understand this film, one must understand the nature of its male lead and deuteragonist, Valentino’s titular sheik. So I’ll begin this piece with a revelation made at the end of the film that technically qualifies as a spoiler. I’ll reveal it after the jump on the off-chance that you actually care about spoilers for a fairly boring silent romance from 1921.

Alternatively, just watch the film yourself.

The Mummy (1999)

I love pulp adventure stories. I love seeing two-fisted heroes go on perilous, exciting journeys to exotic locales amid the nascent technological and cultural revolution of the 20th century, with the Jet Age looming in the horizon. I love seeing heroes wade into an unknown land with naught but a dulling blade and the help of friends old and new… and maybe a potential new lover. I love bombastic, sneering, sibilant pulp villains who plan to use forbidden magicks or dangerous artillery to take over the world… but invariably seem unprepared for the actual logistics or prep work of world domination.

I haven’t seen The Mummy in years, but people I know swear up and down that it replicates that aesthetic. So I decided to watch it with that in mind and see what happens. Besides, if I wrote up The Mummy from 1933, logically it follows that I should tackle its most famous remake!

I have to confess that I really don‘t care for this poster. Just compare it to that Karloff/Johann-centered miracle of composition below! This just looks so inert by comparison! This one just has the sand-face from the first act, pyramids, and a poorly-mapped polygon serving as an ersatz eye-line. It only has one hue; it doesn’t have any contrast to speak of. Sure, I like the way the light bloom emanating from the large M forms the main lines of composition, but this entire poster still exists at a level of brand identification one step above store-brand food or Chinese bootleg toys.

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)

I love Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. A lot. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. A saner person would dismiss it as a cheesy, fatuous, facile money-grab that harvests a folk tale for royalty-free source material. But I look at this movie and, even with all its many, many flaws, I just see my first role model… and my dad.

Popeye the Sailor Meets Ali Baba's Forty Thieves (1937)

Cinephiles like you and I know that cartoons didn’t always fixate on and extol the magic of friendship. Some of them got a bit… well, racist.

You can tell a cartoon came from a different time when its cover image depicts Bluto in blackface and a horde of half-naked dark men advancing on two established white cartoon heroes. You can see the racial commentary plain as day right here. “Can Popeye and Olive Oyl survive the cruel onslaught of the dark hordes of… dark-skinned Bluto?!”

The 13th Warrior (1999)

Jack Shaheen, probably the world’s preeminent source on media portrayals of Arabs, counts John McTiernan’s The 13th Warrior among the greatest depictions of Arabs in film. By that metric, this film indeed ranks among the fairest and the most progressive. Does that make it a great film?

Not particularly.

The 13th Warrior does indeed have a laudable portrayal of Arabs, but the film still has large problems with misogyny, mundanity, and missing the point of the original poem entirely.

Four Lions (2010)

I have to admit that I had a lot of trepidation about watching Four Lions. A lot can go wrong with any satire centered around Islamist fundamentalists. Chris Morris and the three co-writers had a lot of lines to toe. The screenplay needed to make the protagonists likable without unwittingly conveying approval of terrorism. The script required farce, gravitas, and memorable characterization without endorsing bigotry or alarmism. On top of that, the film ends on a downbeat, which comedies don't usually attempt.

I think Morris succeeded, and I must say I really like the result.